


You Know You're a Star Wars Geek When...

by Sophie



Category: Marvel, Young Avengers
Genre: Awkwardness, Crack, Frottage, M/M, Movie Reference, Shapeshifting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-11-28
Updated: 2010-11-28
Packaged: 2017-10-13 10:42:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/136431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sophie/pseuds/Sophie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A witch and a shapeshifter are watching Star Wars...</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Know You're a Star Wars Geek When...

**Author's Note:**

> I am not a Star Wars geek, forgive me if I said atrocious things in there.  
> Thanks to [Tali](http://archiveofourown.org/users/inabathrobe) for the beta.

Teddy is proud of himself when he comes back home with a copy of _The Empire Strikes Back_ in his bag. Neither he nor Billy have watched or read or been in contact with anything Star Wars _or_ Star Trek related for way too long. There aren't any DVDs or books or action figures or _anything_ at the new lair. It has TVs and DVD players, but lacks the movies or the game consoles to make it worth it. So when Teddy found that DVD for $5, it's an instant buy. He didn't even think about it for a second.

Who cares about being sure you have enough money to eat and pay the rent when you can _watch Star Wars_ again? No one, that's who.

And this is so over-dramatic. He's still going to have plenty of money, and one DVD is not going to ruin anyone. No, really, that was the smartest move of his week. Maybe even of the month.

He has a big dorky grin plastered on his face when he walks into the house and looks around for a bit before finding Billy in their room. He's reading; it doesn't stop him from looking up at Teddy and raising an eyebrow.

"What did you do?" he asks, amused, just knowing that something's up.

"Something _awesome_. I bought—"

"We didn't have money for a new X-Box 360."

"No, you dork." Teddy fumbles through his bag slowly before pulling the DVD out and holding it in front of him, his arms extended for a dramatic showing of its case. "I bought _this_."

Billy stares and spots the price on the plastic wrapping. "Five bucks?"

"Yes. Clearly, I am a master hunter, and I can smell cheap Star Wars DVDs from afar."

Billy stands up from his bed and abandons the book he was reading behind. He tugs on Teddy's shirt, bringing him in for a short, teasing kiss. He's smirking through it. "You're a pretty good boyfriend. Quite a catch."

" 'Pretty good?' Don't I deserve a 'best' or at least an 'awesome' for that?"

Billy doesn't stop casually holding onto Teddy's shirt. "Because an awesome boyfriend would have found _Return of the Jedi_ and the best one would've found at least the whole original trilogy."

"You're crazy. _Empire Strikes Back_ is way better than _Return of the Jedi_."

Billy throws him quite an impressive offended look, letting his arms fall to his sides. "It is _not_!"

"Yes, it is, and you totally know it."

"What does _Empire Strikes Back_ have that _Return_ doesn't?"

Teddy's look becomes very serious as he answers solemnly, "The 'I am your father' scene."

Billy rolls his eyes and sighs. "One scene doesn't make a whole movie."

A beat. Teddy raises his eyebrows. "I'd just like to point out you _still_ know that movie by heart."

"It totally doesn't count. I know all of them by heart!"

"Uhuh. Well, I guess you'll have to wait for your other boyfriends to find _Return_ so you can watch it with them. Meanwhile, _I_ am going to watch this movie—" He shakes the DVD case in his hand. "—right now." He smiles.

Billy squints. "You better not watch it without me."

Teddy's smile broadens. "Of course not."

*

They settle in their room. They _do_ have a TV in there, and even if it's smaller than the one in the living room, they both agree that since it's the first time they've watched any Star Wars in months, privacy, ensuring the experience won't be interrupted, is more important than the quality of the image.

They know what the images' details are, anyway. They don't need it to be super beautiful. They'll watch it in the living room some other time, maybe even ask the others if they'd like to watch it too. But this is their private showing of a Star Wars movie, and they're going to enjoy it.

They're comfortable enough that they don't mind talking occasionally. They know the lines by heart, after all; talking over them is what makes it special. Even when they're ridiculous comments about all the UST between Leia and Han being terrible and awesome (that starts really early, they do have that kiss discussion about five minutes in).

Of course, this is immediately followed by Luke being lost on the ice planet. Billy settles into Teddy's arms and makes little noises throughout Han's discussion with the deck officer and Threepio. (Teddy still spells it 3PO —or C3PO—, but Billy thinks spelling it like an _actual_ name makes him less of a robot and more of a character in his own right. Teddy has argued before that he _is_ a robot. They then had a conversation about to what extent the robots and the clones were individuals in Star Wars. Teddy thinks there's a huge difference between a clone and a robot, and anyway, letters and numbers are decent robot-names. Billy thinks that, in Star Wars, robots have the same individuality as people and that letters and numbers are just the proof that they were serialized. These arguments never go anywhere. They agree 'Artoo' _looks_ cuter than 'R2'.)

When Han finds Luke, Billy mumbles, "He could have shared his own body heat, too."

"Hypothermia cliché?" Teddy asks against his hair.

"Star Wars created clichés. They are forgiven for using every single cliché ever."

"The hypothermia one is from Star Trek, though," Teddy points out. Billy doesn't answer and watches the two guys being found by Zev.

Billy frowns when Leia kisses Luke; Teddy doesn't.

"Are you thinking about Tommy and I?"

"Never."

"You _better not_."

A moment passes during which Teddy stares at the TV without watching or listening. "Would that mean I'm Han?" he asks finally.

Billy pokes at him playfully. "You wish."

"And you're Leia?"

Billy _shoves_ at his boyfriend this time. "There's no way Tommy is Luke. If someone's Luke, it's me."

"Hey, that way you get some Han/Luke shipping time."

"You're such an idiot," Billy answers, but he sounds less convinced than he usually is and he's blushing a bit.

Teddy smirks and holds Billy closer. From then on, he's not watching the movie as closely as he should, spending more time observing Billy's reactions to the scenes than watching them. He knows them all by heart, anyway. Billy smiling sweetly when Han talks to Leia about the fact he's _still_ not gone. Billy frowning at odd moments. It's a wonder he never spent any time analyzing his boyfriend's reactions to a series they must have watched a dozen times together.

When Han and Leia finally kiss, Billy sighs softly.

"If I'm Han, then you're Leia."

Billy frowns and looks at him. "You're still thinking about that?"

"Well, you really clearly like them together."

"Of course, I do. They're both awesome."

"And you don't ship Luke with Han at all."

Billy hesitates obviously. "Yes, I do."

"No, you don't." Billy keeps on watching the movie very seriously. "You know, you're allowed to not ship Han and Luke." Teddy doesn't get an answer and keeps on going, teasing, "I didn't know you had something for UST, but it's fine; I still love you."

" _Geez_ , why is it such a big deal who I ship, anyway? We're really _not_ watching Star Wars for the pairings. _It's Star Wars_."

Teddy stops talking and starts watching the movie again. He watches Billy being way too invested in Han and Leia's relationship and screen time, anyway. He's surprised when Billy doesn't make any comment about the Frank Oz fisting lines (Luke telling Yoda while panting heavily, "I can't. It's too big," and Yoda answering "Size matters not. Look at me. Judge me by my size, do you? Hm? Mmmm"), even if this exchange is _golden_. He watches Billy cringing when Han is being tortured. He _can't believe_ he never noticed this the first eleven times they watched these movies. "You have such a hard on for Han Solo."

Billy looks up at him quickly, eyes wide. "You do, too!"

"Sure I do, but _nothing_ like yours."

"He's just a character."

"Doesn't matter."

"Cut it out," Billy mumbles, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Why are you so ashamed of it?"

"I am not."

The idea hits Teddy out of _nowhere_ , and he can't quite get rid of it. Actually, it would be more accurate to say that he doesn't think about it twice before he's kissing Billy hard and morphing at the same time.

Billy moans, realises something is going on, and pulls back awkwardly before staring.

"Teddy."

"No, not Teddy," answers Han's voice.

"Teddy, this is creepy."

Teddy, who looks exactly like Han Solo in that particular episode of Star Wars, kisses him again, pulling him close, opening Billy's lips under his to make it deeper, wetter. It's not the way Han kisses Leia, still a Teddy-kiss, but they're not Teddy's lips and they're not Teddy's hands around his shoulders and behind his head.

By the end of that kiss, Billy is panting a little. "This — this is weird."

Teddy looks at him unsure and awkward; it doesn't suit Han's face at all. "Do you want me to change back?"

"I'm. Uh. I don't know?"

Teddy looks down and bites his lower lip, but he still pulls Billy over him as he's moving a little until Billy's straddling his thighs.

Billy looks away every time he stares at Teddy for too long. "I don't— Am I supposed to call you Han, now?" On the screen that neither of them is watching anymore, Vader is talking about the carbon-freezing chamber.

"Uh, what comes more naturally?"

Billy takes a deep breath in and leans in to kiss Teddy again, slower, testing, concentrating on the differences while trying not to be weirded out. Hesitantly, Teddy moves a hand over Billy's stomach, lifting his shirt, so he can touch the skin and caress it slowly with a hand that is bigger than his usually is.

The lips are broader, drier, and Billy leans into the hand on his skin, pushes a hand into Teddy's (Han's? Weirdweirdweird.) hair without gripping. He's still just... testing things. Testing things is starting to be really enjoyed by his body, and he tilts his head to deepen the kiss while leaning just enough to thrust against—

He has to either get into this or not.

He interrupts the kiss, pulling back far enough to stare at his lover's eyes. He's testing. Right. Testing. He stays still for too long, and the fingers on his stomach become more insistent; the hand moves swiftly around his waist and plays with his waistband just over his ass, teasing, pushing their erections together and the friction is... It doesn't matter that they're both still wearing their clothes at this point. Billy moans and joins into the movement, trying to get a better angle. Or to force that hand under his waistband. Or both. He grips at a shoulder when it happens and moans out a name.

Han raises an amused eyebrow, and that's all the warning Billy has before he's being lifted and flipped over, Han now over him and placing Billy's legs around his waist.

Billy pulls him down clumsily, so they can kiss again, and he holds his mouth against Han's as if he may change his mind at any moment, sucks on his tongue because he wants to have Han's tongue in his mouth, wants to have something to do with his mouth other than bite his lips until they bleed because Han is—

Han is even less patient than he is and is cupping him through his jeans, thumb and middle finger on each side of his erection and stroking not hard enough.

The moans are louder, but neither of them is really listening to them (or to the movie that is still going on) or thinking about the fact they usually spend half their time going 'shhh, we're too loud'-'sorry, sorry'-'Eli will hear us'-'it's his fault for having that damn superhearing'. They're really not thinking about Eli at all. The fact that they usually think about Eli is _weird_.

Han starts moaning too —it's nearly a groan— and licks his way into Billy's mouth as if he was trying to taste something and failing and not quitting. Billy is thrusting into Han's hand without thinking about it much at all, and he's _hot_.

They're both hot all over and wearing a lot of clothes. Why the hell are they still wearing so many clothes? Without moving his lips away, Billy manages to think about it enough to tug on the bottom of Han's shirt so he'll stop the extreme making out long enough to step back and remove it. Han does stop and lifts _him_ enough to get rid of his shirt before tossing his away.

And it's.

Han Solo.

Half-naked over him, between his legs.

They're both _completely crazy_.

They both _know it_ and spend a few seconds just staring at each others, acknowledging the fact, and ignoring it in favour of not destroying the buttons of their pants when they won't open as easily as they normally do.

They never remove their pants, instead just shoving them down enough to free their cocks, and press together immediately, Han's precum leaving a small trail on Billy's stomach.

Billy moans, _moves_ , moans again.

" _Han_ —"

Han takes Billy carefully in his hand, not putting any of the pressure he wants on him, teasing the head of the cock with his thumb, "Hmm?"

"Just—" He hesitates, stills for a second. Han slows down as well, concerned. "Is there—"

" _Talk_ ," Billy blurts out, and somehow, he's not blushing. He just knows what he wants.

"Oh?" He licks the side of Billy's neck. "I _do_ have a sexy voice."

Billy rolls his eyes and shifts under Han, so they're rubbing against each other, takes Han's hand in his own to guide him until he's jerking both of them at the same time, and they'd really need lube to make this better (even if Han has a _foreskin_ to help when Teddy didn't; Han probably doesn't even _have_ foreskin but Teddy knows Billy likes it and that's what it came to...) but they're both lazy and too into it to care about the friction right now.

It's not a _bad_ sort of friction, anyway.

"I'm not going to let you come like that."

Billy breathes in fast and raw, tightening his grip around Han's hand, stroking them both faster.

"I want to suck you off too much for that." Han continues, "And then I'll tease you until you're hard again, so I can ride you."

Billy is thrusting his hips into his fist and Han's now, he doesn't want to stop, he—

_—coordinates are set. It's now—_

—has to think about breathing through his nose when Han kisses him again because the kiss is hard and demanding, and he should really stop this right now because he _is_ going to come before they get to anything else...

They're both going to at this rate and—

_—told me they fixed it. I trusted them to fix it. It's not my fault!_

"Fuck!"

Billy stops everything and makes a move away from Han who lets go immediately and looks very worried. "Is something wrong?"

"We just _missed the 'I am your father' scene_!"

Teddy frowns and looks at the screen, morphing back almost immediately. "Oh. Oh, we _did_." He's not sure what to say, except stare in disbelief.

Billy is putting his pants back on. "I can't— How could we miss that for sex?" Teddy moves back and sits against the back of the bed, still staring at the screen. "We are the worst geeks ever," Billy says when it becomes evident he's not going to get an answer from Teddy's end.

"We could... go back a few scenes?" Teddy suggests, unsure.

"It will not change the fact we missed The Scene—" The capitals are practically spoken aloud. "—because we were having sex."

"Well—"

"While you looked like Han Solo." Billy puts his head in his hand, hiding his eyes.

"I think that _gives_ us geek points, personally."

Billy looks up at him.

"And you were really into it."

"I'm not anymore."

Teddy doesn't morph his appearance, but does morph only his vocal cords because he answers with Han's voice, even if he still looks like himself, "I could make you again."

Billy squints.

"We missed The Scene already, anyway."

*

They never finish the movie. They agree that _stopping_ it this time would be less of a sacrilege.

Teddy looks like himself again, and his head is lying in Billy's lap. They're both breathing slow and deep, and Billy's playing with Teddy's hair absently.

"Sooo... does that mean you've admitted that you were Leia?"

Billy _tugs_ on the lock between his fingers and doesn't answer.

"You should totally _want_ yourself danish hair."

Billy is decisively ignoring Teddy at that point, which has never stopped Teddy from talking before and it doesn't now. "And a gold bikini. You need the gold bikini."

Billy sighs, long and annoyed. "I'd look _terrible_ with danish hair and a gold bikini."

"You never know until you try it," Teddy teases, smiling lazily.

"I'm not going to _want_ myself a gold bikini. I think your brain has been damaged by the morph sex."

"Hey. Maybe." A beat. "What about the chains and cuffs?"

"Does that mean you're Jabba the Hutt?"

Teddy seems to be _thinking_ —

"Ew! Don't even consider morphing into Jabba. _Ever_."

"But—"

" _Ever_!"

"—I was just wondering—"

"Don't!"

"—if it was possible—"

"No! _Don't_. Oh god. Just— don't. Ever."

"But I've never morphed into a non-humanoid before. That could be useful."

"Try it out when I'm not here and never talk to me about it."

Teddy nods and settles onto Billy's lap a bit more comfortably. Billy starts petting his hair hesitantly. Generally doubtful.

Then, a few minutes later: "Have you stopped thinking about it?"

"Yes," Teddy lies.

"Good."


End file.
